Tuesday, November 10, 2015

"Dalerie Jeanne!"

I was “Dalerie Jeanned” today. 

That’s one of Megan’s terms she uses for mock indignation.

We were in the kitchen making lunch. Despite her repeated suggestions for corn chips, bean and cheese burritos, and other fat laden foods, I was gearing her towards more healthy choices. 

We settled on smoked ham and cheese sandwiches with a thick layer of lettuce, and carrot sticks. Personally, I prefer my carrots or cucumbers buck naked without dressing to dip in. But I did acquiesce to Megan’s plea for it. 

We sat at the kitchen table, she handling the dressings while I was making the sandwiches. I had asked Megan to get me the huge gallon of mayonnaise a few minutes earlier and it sat on the table. 

As soon as I finished the mound of lettuce on each sandwich, I got up to wipe my hands and decided to put the ham and cheese away. I started to sit back down and saw the mayo. So I grabbed it up and put it in the fridge. 

Sitting down yet again, I realized I put the mayo away without using it! Off  to the refrigerator for the mayonnaise as Megan sat laughing at me. ;-) 

I  open the mayo and take up the chef’s knife I had gotten out for the carrots. 

“No, use anover knife!” Megan says. “I don’t like my mayo fwom a shawrp knife.”

“Megan, you’re being silly. I’m not dirtying another knife. There’s nothing wrong with using this one.”

So I reached in and gathered up a big blob of mayo on the knife, picked up the top slice of bread from the first sandwich, and slathered some on. As I tried to flip the bread over onto the sandwich, it went over the table and onto the floor. Hey, I was using my left hand and I’m a righty. ;-) 

Megan bursts out with a huge belly laugh. “Dat’s not mine. Phiww can have dat one!” And we’re both laughing as I assess the damage. It landed mayo side up, thankfully.

We finished cutting carrots and getting the plates set up with our food. Megan tried to weasel some candy corn out of me, but I didn’t give in. 

As I took Phil’s and my plates and started to walk out of the kitchen, I may have, um, let a little air escape the lower part of my body. I mean, something may have just slipped out. I may have emitted a booty belch…a panty burp…an air biscuit…OKAY, I FARTED!!!! 

There, I said it! Are you happy now??  <panting>

And that was when it happened. Megan looked at me like I just threw up in her lap, and said, “Dalerie Jeanne!” 

“I’ll leave you with that ‘thought’,” I told her, and went on my way, laughing merrily. ;-) 

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