Saturday, October 3, 2015

Adventures at Five a.m.

Photo: Celebrations.com


Cat, in hallway outside bathroom: Meowwww.

Me, in bathroom: Hrmphlp.

Cat: Meowwwwwww.

Me: <unintelligible grunt, thinking, Go let yourself out. I did it the last 753 times!>

Cat: MEOWWWWWWWWWW!

Me: Oh be quiet. 

Cat: Blurp….blurrrp….BLUUURRRRPPPP!

Me: Oh crap!

No, vomit. 

I finish up faster than a jack rabbit with a dog in pursuit and bolt out of the bathroom in time to see the cat finish emptying the contents of its stomach onto the floor, in the middle of the dark, narrow hallway.

There’s no getting out of it. I can’t just crawl back into bed and leave it for later. It’s a large amount and in the very middle. If I leave it, someone will get to play on an unexpected Slip N Slide on their sleepy trek to the bathroom. 

Bleary eyed, I go get the paper towels from under the kitchen sink and hobble back to the hallway, flicking on the light.

“Turn dat light off,” Megan says from the recesses of her darkened room. 

“I need the light on for a minute, Megan.”

I start scooping with doubled paper towels. When I feel something, I start saying my mantra for gross stuff: I can wash my hands, I can wash my hands, I can wash my hands….

I gather the whole bundle and shuffle off to throw it away. Then back to the hallway for the final wipe of any dampness left there.

Only it was at the edge of the light’s reach so I have no clue where the vomit was now. Can’t see it.

Shifting, back and forth, slanting my head to try and catch a reflection of wetness in the minimal light…..aha! 

Swipe a few times and back to the kitchen to throw the paper towel away and wash my hands. 

Back to bed. Only now I’m not going to be able to just fall asleep. 

Seriously, nothing gets you moving faster than the sound of retching. By the kids or the cats. You can be in a dead sleep and stand straight up out of bed without bending a limb when you hear that sound. 

Cat: Meowww.

Me: Yes, coming, my King! 

I go let him out. 

Why didn’t I just do that the first time???

This episode of Adventures at Five a.m. is brought to you by….me!

No comments:

Post a Comment