Tuesday, September 1, 2015

An Alarming Text

Dear Straight Talk,

Was it truly necessary to text me at 3:16 in the morning, aka the middle of the night, to alert me that you've updated your phone unlocking policy?

Did you somehow have an irrational fear that I might be trying to unlock my phone in my sleep and had an insatiable need to know the new policy regarding said phone?

Because if you did, let me assure you that at 3:16 a.m. I was, for once, actually deeply immersed in the slumber that so eludes me most nights, and had been for a mere hour and a half.

Thanks to you, I laid awake after being startlingly jarred awake and finally gave up at 4, knowing that by the time I could manage to get back to sleep, it’d be time to get my sons up for school.

It does indeed take me at least 2 hours to get to sleep, and that’s even with the help of  the lovely and beneficial Benedryl. Some people can fall asleep within mere minutes, but alas, that is not me and never has been me.

I need Mr. Sandman to sprinkle his special Sleepytime Fairy Dust on me extra early, extra hard, and extra long.

Then comes the hurdle of staying asleep. And this happens night after night, year after year, forever and ever amen so help me God.

Had I known you’d be struck with the inspiration to send out your electronic missive that was of such a paramount topic, I’d have turned the volume down on my phone.

But that would have chanced me not hearing the alarm on it that had been set for almost three hours later, to get my children up and at ‘em. And my children are just “slightly” ahead of you in order of importance in my life.

So, in closing, dear Straight Talk, I’d like to make a few suggestions to the task force who developed the new phone unlocking policy.

If you would just provide me with the name, phone number, and time zone of the supervisor in charge of said task force, I’m sure you’ll greatly appreciate my input. ;)


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