Friday, June 26, 2015

Of Nails, Clippers, and Danger

So, Megan came to me and asked me to clip her toenails. This is one of those personal care skills that she can’t do herself, lest she cut herself. Some of her toenails are thick, so regular nail clippers don’t work. I use those heavy duty ones that look kind of like pliers. They are made with thick metal and have rubber “sleeves” on the handles so you can get a good grip. 

I had been working on my laptop at the time, so when she asked me, I got up and started walking out, quoting a line from TV show Hannah Montana: “Let me go get my goggles.” ;) 

“Don’t forget the hedge clippers!” Megan chirped to me, laughing. I turned back for them and we proceeded to the kitchen. She happily, and me as if I were headed to the gallows.

I  always have her sit in one kitchen chair, while I sit on another kind of next to her, and she props her leg up on my knee. So we assumed the positions.

Then the fun began.

Megan propped her left foot on my knee and I dug in with relish to the exciting task at hand. Okay, so really, I took a deep breath to fortify myself and decided it wouldn’t get done if I didn’t start the frightening deed.

I started with the littlest toe and worked my way to the biggie, the biggest of digits, the Big Kahuna of Phalanges. 

And as I was working hard, getting the hedge clippers, I mean nail clippers, in place and squeezing with Herculean might, slivers of hard, sharp protein flew off and into the air, pinging as they hit the ceiling or wall. I felt like maybe I should give a warning signal to others so they could take cover. “Fore!!!!!” 

As it was, I got hit several times on my cheek, wrist, and thigh. Megan laughed uproariously, great belly laughs,  as we heard the distant pings of nails hitting ceiling and wall. 

“Don’t shoot your eye out!” she said, laughing, quoting a line from the movie A Christmas Story. All I have are my flimsy wire frame glasses for protection. Oh my. 

When Megan hefted her right foot onto my knee for the next round, I clipped the baby toenail, rounding it off so it wouldn’t be so sharp and slice up anything it came into contact with. It was so cute, even as she’s 27, that I twiddled it a little and said, “What a cute baby piggy!!”

Megan said in her serious-but-still-joking voice, “Leave it alone. Get back to work!” Then she busted up laughing, those great big belly laughs that can’t help but make everyone around her laugh too.

I finished up clipping, squeezing with all my strength on the big toenail, vowing to do those ones first next time. 

And then I was done, for another month at least. 

And I made it through without losing an eye. ;)