Wednesday, April 16, 2014

How To Install A Laptop Battery

My new laptop battery came today. The "Instruction Manual" comes in 5 different languages, and all it is, is a list of what not to do. There's nothing instructional about it, like how to install it, how to prime the battery, or anything like that. 

However, it does tell you things like: “Never hammer a nail into the battery pack.” Um, is that warning *really* necessary?? I can‘t even imagine thinking of taking a nail and hammer to a laptop battery, never mind actually doing it. 

Of course, having lived with Ryan and Timmy and the bizarre and curious things they’ve done over the years, I can unfortunately see *them* hammering a nail into it. How did the writers of the “Instruction Manual” know…? 

Another nugget of wisdom contained therein is this: "Never shock the battery pack by dropping or throwing it.” I can just see it now…

The Battery Pack is peacefully laying on the table in the kitchen, basking in the calm quiet of the ceiling fan’s incandescent light bulbs, when suddenly, out of the blue, Someone snatches it up and throws it across the room, where it lands on top of the dog, who lets out a yelp of protest. 

Battery Pack emits a silent cry of alarm and indignant fright at this most inopportune happenstance. “How rude!” Battery Pack thinks. “I never expected that from Someone. I’m quite shocked at this behavior. I…I…I don’t remember anything now…I think I have amnesia!” 

Well, call my imaginings fanciful if you must, but hey, I’m not the one who wrote that Instruction Manual and included all those very important warnings. I just read it and let my imagination loose with it. I know, a dangerous thing for me to do. 

Hey, speaking of danger, did you know you’re also not supposed to throw the battery pack into fire, or even heat it? I promise, no matter how hungry I am and how little we have in the house to eat, I will NEVER pop that battery pack out of my laptop and fry it up in a skillet. It could “cause leakage of alkaline solution or other electrolytic substance.“ 

A little shout out here to them: Thank you, Instruction Manual people, for making sure we know not to do that! You’ve saved us from ourselves! ;)


  1. LOL!!! Guess that means I won't be able to serve laptop battery with a side of AA batteries for dinner after all.

    Instructions keep getting crazier! When I signed up for a library card while we lived in Missouri they gave me a list of library rules. One of them was that no bathing was allowed in their restroom!

    My hairdryer came with the warning to not sleep with it. ...........

    Several months ago we got a new washing machine, instructions included to not put children into the machine!!!!! Bath time just got so much harder! LOL!

  2. No bathing at the library?? Aw, man. There goes our Thursday afternoon fun. ;)

    When I see these kinds of warnings, I just have to winder what happened to make them think they're necessary, lol.