Saturday, March 15, 2014

Over the Rainbow

Steven took this photo about 8 mos. before he died. 

Please click here: (opens in a new tab; just come back to this tab and read as you listen): Over the Rainbow; Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Steven...your song rolls through my head, day after day after day, weaving in and out of my heart and my soul, my piercing sadness and my great comfort as well.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high
And the dreams that you dream of
Once in a lullaby…

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dream of
Dreams really do come true…

Growing up together was such a treat. You were my playmate and my best friend. You were so much fun, creative, smart, funny, such a unique kid. Years of sharing our dreams together made a strong bond. I’ve met some of my dreams, and I know you met some of yours. You had jobs that you loved, you have beautiful children that you loved too, and loving relationships with so many people. You visited places you wanted to see, lived placed you wanted to be, and did things you wanted to experience. Some people dream and never even reach for those dreams…

Someday I’ll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me…

Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
That’s where…you’ll find me…

The clouds were finally far behind you, Steven. Mostly, anyway. The last year things seemed to be working themselves out for you in many ways, even amidst the troubles you faced and the struggles you had. You didn’t need to wish upon a star; you knew it’s God who really blesses. But the child inside you could still wish upon a star, and at the same time marvel at the wonder of God’s grace and mercy and love. Resting in His love and peace made the troubles melt…when you allowed it. It’s a day-by-day thing, as you discovered…

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
And the dreams that you dare to
Why, oh why can’t I?

You struggled so hard. Everyone could see it. I know you could too…your heart and soul yearned for peace. Your demons were many, and they stuck hard and fast, like barnacles on an old boat…I know how badly you longed to be free. At times you seemed to give up in despair, and my heart was broken at those times. Sometimes I felt like it was too much, like I had to distance myself emotionally, in order to not be crushed by the heartache. It must have been so much more intense inside of you…

Someday I’ll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops,
High above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me…

It took you so long to find the answer; it took you so long to realize…that you had the power all along. Someday seemed so far away to you, when all along it was right there, within your reach. Only sometimes, people are so hurt and bruised…that they have no more strength left, to even reach out to what’s right inside them. I prayed for you so much and so hard, Steven…and my heart hurt so much for you, I wished I could do it for you. But that’s not the way it works…

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
And the dream that you dare to
Why, oh why can’t I?

Steven…you did. You made it; you’re there. It’s not how we wanted, and I don’t think it’s how you really wanted. But you’re there. Your pain is over, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You’re over that rainbow, way up high, and resting in the loving arms of your Savior Jesus. No more pain, no more struggle…you did it; you’re there…finally free…

I just wish it didn’t hurt so badly. I loved you, and I miss you so…


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