Tuesday, January 7, 2014

C.O.L.D.

(Photo: bendianna.deviantart.com)


How cold is it out today? It is co-co-co-co-cold!!! C.O.L.D. Good gravy marie, yesterday the schools in our town cancelled school for today due to dangerous weather. And they’re right on spot. Right now it’s -2° out with a windshield factor, as Phil jokes, of 20 below. That is cold. 

We wouldn’t let Ryan and Timmy play outside yesterday, and last night we let the cats out to use the Outdoor Facilities every fifteen minutes or so, trying to get them back in the next time we let a new group of them out. It didn’t take any coaxing; no bending their paws behind their backs to make them cry Uncle. We opened the door and jumped out of the way to keep from getting mowed over by them running back in! 

We played Revolving Door like that for an hour or so, until we just put the nix on cats going out at all. We have 2 litter boxes, also known as Feline Waste Management Systems, so the one puddle of pee I found this morning isn’t too bad for fifteen cats. I’ll assume that both FWMS’s were in use and one of the Baker’s Dozen Plus Two just couldn’t cross his back legs any longer trying to wait his turn.

Anyhoo, guess what I learned? Putting your contacts in when it’s this cold and the saline solution they’ve been in all night is just above freezing…wakes your eyeballs up! My goodness, I think I felt my eyeballs shiver in their sockets. 

It was almost as shocking an experience as the time I handled jalapeƱos and only gave my fingers a cursory rinse. Apparently washing them with plenty of soap twice is what I should have done. Remember the scene in the movie Home Alone when Macauley Culkin slapped the aftershave on his cheeks and then screamed? Yeah, that. Only mine was accompanied by outraged blood vessels and tears rolling down my cheeks. 

Mental note: Don’t do that ever again. Either one. 

So, when I got up earlier, I did the rounds, checking to make sure the water pipes didn’t freeze and we have running water, looking in on the chillens to see that they’re covered over and snuggly warm in their sleep, yada yada. Also set the dryer for 20 minutes to finish the load that was not quite dry, and also hopefully heat up that Arctic laundry room, which is in fact an unheated back porch. 

Since the sun is up I guess I’ll have to start playing doorman to the cats again. I seriously need to start charging them for this. But everything’s okay here, I’m the only one awake right now, so I can relax and watch a little TV or whatever.

The offerings on TV this frigid morning are slim pickings. I’m seeing Grill Like a Pro, Paid Programming, More Hair for Holidays.... I guess I could always just watch Sesame Street. ;) 

Oh wait! There’s a movie on the USA channel. Very appropriately named Eight Below. And I’ve only missed 20 minutes of it. See ya! 

No comments:

Post a Comment