Monday, October 3, 2011

On a Spider Vein Now......

Spiders……no, I did not let my imagination wander today. I’m keeping it on a leash, remember? But I am outside with the boys, and as usual, bugs are involved with our day here. Being a homeschooler, I *love* to explore, learn, and especially to identify things. Including bugs and insects. Including spiders. If I don’t have to get *too* close to them.

So just a little while ago, as I’m piddling around online on the laptop, doing writey kinds of things, Ryan is chattering away at my right and I’m half listening to him. Okay, so I was basically ignoring him because I was trying to type a sentence that was actually comprehensible amidst all the mindless noise in my ear.

Hole digging is fascinating.
Who knew?? lol
But suddenly he stops and is staring, mesmerized, at the lower part of the chair I’m sitting in at the patio table in the yard. Very slowly, he says one of those things that no woman wants to hear: “WHOOOOOOA……..a big fat hoppy spider was crawling up your skirt.”

Oh my gosh, okay….don’t panic. “So, where is it *now*??” I ask.

“Oh, he fell down on the ground,” Ryan replies, still lazy as molasses dripping from the jar. Instantly my feet lift up, where they stay, as if waiting for a pelvic exam, and I scour the ground beneath me to find the 8-legged criminal, which I don’t, of course. It's nowhere in my line of vision. O.O
Ryan digging in the dirt.

So then soon afterwards, Ryan comes up to me again, this time with a container he had near the fort, and says, "You wanna see the big fat spider I have in here?"

I say no. He quickly dumps it out on the ground about a foot away from me and says, "Okay, you can look at it on the ground."

Um, WHAT???

I instantly hit an A5 on the musical scale as I say, “What did you put it *there* for??”

And the feet go back up again. Forget searching for the stirrups, just hang there waiting for that pelvic exam again. Dang! Just when I had relaxed enough about the black hoppy spider to rest my weary legs back to a normal sitting position.

“Do you think he’s poisonous?” Ryan poses the question to me.

“Um, I’m not sure, but maybe I can find out, “ I say quiveringly, as I keep looking at it to catalog identifying details. Okay, so really I was trying to keep an eye on where the thing was! I mean, the thing looks scary and was close enough to test me to see if I was done to his liking or not!

So every few minutes I kept looking behind me to make sure Mr. Venom Fangs Creepy Legs was still crouched in the little dip in the ground where he landed, and about the fourth time I looked, HE WAS GONE!!!! Aauug! Hit that A5 note again with a resounding squeal as I asked no one in particular and everyone within a general 5 mile radius where the spider went.

Some of the shroomers.
They ain't magic, neither. ;)
“Oh, Timmy took it and put it in the woods,” Ryan says casually.

Then he went back to gathering a variety of mushrooms in the yard, bringing them to me and placing them on the table for me to exclaim over. And I decided that I will spend some time talking with him about these really cool awesomely not-spider mushrooms. Because I’d rather have him connect with me over mushrooms. Anyday.

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